Wednesday, September 8, 2010

IV Year Jitters

So this is my fourth year of university and I don't feel like have been in school for the last four years. It doesn't even seem like I am 22 or out of High School. When is this 3 year long summer break gonna end and let me go back to Mrs. R's class and learn about CS Lewis.

I don't want to be a big boy. I want to play in my back yard with a box and Benny again. (I say this as I drink coffee, which I assure you is a big boy drink). I long for the days when I can just lay in the back yard with no worries of tomorrow. I am now hitting the stage in my life where I have to find a job and work for about 30 - 35 years and be able to retire. Although, I am not really sure how my generation is suppose to retire, if all of the SS is gone to my parents. That sucks.

I will be gradating in the next 8 months and I will be forced to find a job, so that I can pay off my loans and get a handle on what it means to be an adult. The only problem is, that I am not ready yet. I feel like my parents are still holding the reigns in my life in some areas. Most of my friends are getting or have gotten married in the past year. Oh Boy!!! I don't feel like I will get married till I am 30 or so.

This is a lot of things to think about while in your senior year of University and I don't think that it is all that helpful or healthy. I do have a lot of people pouring into me with advice and counsel... and prayer, can't forget that one. My pastor back home: Ashley has become my new Dan Allen and assists me in any area I ask of him; multiple pastors in Fargo: Pastor Brad helps me with preparation for Small Group and leadership; Pastor Matthew St John helps me with future preparations and seminary; Pastor Jeff Walton helps with ideas on how to make counseling a reality and Gary Vaughn helps me by locating the right people or counsel. See, I am surrounded by a plethora of guys that help me and there are more that pray for me and check in at random points to make sure I am on task and doing alright.

I do have to say in the last year and a half, my dependence on people has gone down, which at times is great, because then they do not become idols in my life, but at other times, I am lonely and I don't seek God, so I am completely miserable. I know this sounds back, but it is somewhat comforting to me. As the years go on, I will depend less on people and more on God, so my life will slowly begin to look the way should have all the way.

I feel slowly as this blog was being written, my heart started to change and I began to see that I am maturing, but sometimes I can't see my own growth. I may have felt like I am still a child an hour ago and fell into the standard of the world, but now I am starting to feel like God has put a greater call on my life and I just need to embrace it and learn to deal with that feeling of complacency.

Although, no matter what, I think that I will always be an ADD person and hate doing homework. I just do.

I hope that my random rambling made you happy or sad, as long as you are feeling something.

Love and Respect,
Spenny

2 comments:

  1. I felt something :) And I am glad you are my friend. Even though I don't get the chance to talk to you very often, I was glad I was able to read this. It was like a means to "catch up" and get to know you better. Thanks for opening up and sharing your life with all of us :)

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