Friday, February 26, 2010


So I strive toward a goal I will never get to, and I do things that I don't want to do. I am a new creature in Christ Jesus, yet I still struggle and feel like I am my old self. This does not make sense to me. I am happy with life, giving up all of my old selfish self and choosing to be someone new. I don't know if it is a choice though. I am striving to embrace my new found self, and have even had people comment on how I have changed. I don't know if that is good to tell me, don't get me wrong, I would love to drop the persona of a "weird, social whore", but it is hard, when even my best friends encourage it. I am really trying to become this humble, Christian guy, who everyone knows is a Christian and if they have questions they can ask, but I don't want to wait for people to ask, that is far too passive and God has not called us to be passive. I will bring up the conversations, because after all, I am a social person, plus people have not been bread to naturally talk to other people about what they believe in, because the US it too worried about offending people, because its too uncomfortable. So I guess I am trying to say that since I have been acting like I have been in the past and not embracing the Lord, I have been finding hardship, because I am not the person I want to be. Even though God is good, and His love doesn't change. I can not count on my friends to carry my walk with the Lord, because they have a different walk than me, and I then them. This took me a long time. I love people, but most of the time, I love them too much. They are my "heart idol". Really when it comes down to it, I struggle with only a couple things: People Pleasing, Lust, Selfishness in general and idolatry. I am a sinful man, no better than any one person, I have just embraced someone as my savior, because if He is who He is, I am in for a good time. I think that is partially why I am so messed up, because sometimes, it is just hard to see that goal. The goal of being with Jesus forever.

I am out, because in all of this, there is a lot of nonsense and random thoughts. I hope that they serve you well and give you some new prospectives.

Much Love & Respect,

Friday, February 12, 2010

Is there sliding back in growth?

So lately I have been told that I seem different by a couple different friends. I have even been told that by a girl I have never really talked to. So does this mean that I am changing who I am, or does that mean that God is finally changing who I am? It's really odd. I was told two times by the same person and once by another friend that I act different, not as weird anymore. My one friend still insists on calling me weird and a freak, which to be honest hurts my feelings, because I look up to them. I am trying to be more quiet, reserved and pick my battles, along with pray and read the Bible more, memorize scripture and just plain 'ol love on people. I think it is working, but who knows. I hope that this change in me is evident to myself soon, or the people who tell me this have gotten my hopes up for nothing. I honestly don't have a problem with changing myself, I mean, I have been doing it for years. Thanks for reading about me and thank you for supporting me in this adventure. I am currently in the process of being changed and hopefully I can be lucky enough to intern at University of New Mexico after I graduate. I can only leave it in His hands. I love all of you who read this. I have since this last summer stopped advertising that I am going to be blogging and just let the people who really care just come and stare into my thoughts... this is your reward.

Much Love,

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Time for me to grow up.

I have deleted all of my old posts, except two. The pictures in these two remind me of good times of the past. I will be blogging on what God is teaching me and such. No more sad tales of friendships past and failed. I am excited to see what God does now.

I can tell you, that I am getting more excited for prayer. Pray for me, pray that I am continuing in prayer all the time. I want to be overwhelmed by it. I want to pray different than I do now.

Much Respect,