Sunday, September 26, 2010


I have been home for the last 4 days and I have been happy and had some serious fun. Partially due to "chillin" with my friend Adam and partially because I am in a place that is comfortable to me. The odd thing is, that I don't want to go back to school at all. I have no desire to go back and try medium-hard at a place I don't care about. I have been doing school for the last 4 years and I am almost done with my degree and I don't care. I know that I have to finish since I have put so much time and effort into getting this far. I will be the 2nd person in my immediate family to complete a bachelor degree, which in my mind is the only on that really means anything. Associates means that you have tried a little and you have just enough energy to do 2 years. Lazy. Masters means that you are either smart, really smart or determined, which to me doesn't matter, because you are losing your mind at this point. Doctorate just means that you either are insane or have the goal of getting there at some point. You are a workaholic. After I am done with school I will go to work for a couple years and then go to seminary, Lord willing. I know that it sounds like a huge endeavor, but honestly I think that I need the training and I think that I will want to accomplish more in the future, regarding counseling.

I will be happy as long as I am close to family and friends and have a good ministry.

I want to thank Adam Buddy for the fun times that we had together and I look forward to chillin with him again. I always do

Much Love and Respect,

Sunday, September 19, 2010


So I have been sitting here doing homework and I have been listening to IHOP. I have been writing a paper/speech for my ethics class and working on a presentation for this week. The weird thing is that even though I am tired and have been working for part of the day on HW, I am still able to continue to work on HW at this time of night.

I think that I am going to do some experimenting with this website. I am gonna play it whenever I am here at the house and see how much work I get done. I think that it will be the difference this year between me just stopping caring and doing well in school.

I am going home this weekend and I think it will be interesting. My grandparents are going to be there as well and I haven't seen them in a while and I have never really connected with them, so it should be interesting, I think that I am partly going home because I haven't seen them in two years and I feel bad. The other part is going home and getting home cooking and also going home to play some Halo Reach with my friend Adam.

I think it is time to go to bed now, because my eyes are doing a squinty thing, which reminds me that I am going to be getting my Ray Bans here in the next week and looking cool.

Much Love and Respect,

Friday, September 17, 2010

If You Really Knew Me

As I have been watching this season of "If You Really Knew Me", I have been thinking more and more about if people really knew me. They talk about how everyone needs to be heard, I don't feel like anyone is listening. Honestly. I don't want to sound selfish, but I think that it would be healthy. I feel unhealthy in my heart. It is more than sin though, it is pressure. The pressures of life are getting to me. What is the next step in life, when are you gonna get married and to who, why don't you care about school? I fell alone. There are some people that I talk to but I don't think of them as people that I can open up to. Somehow I started off University being an open book, but have closed down since then. I know this makes me sound like I am sad all the time, but I am not. I am just a little depressed and lonely, There will be something to come. I have faith. I hope you are doing well and I look forward to talking to you again.

Much Love and Respect,

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

IV Year Jitters

So this is my fourth year of university and I don't feel like have been in school for the last four years. It doesn't even seem like I am 22 or out of High School. When is this 3 year long summer break gonna end and let me go back to Mrs. R's class and learn about CS Lewis.

I don't want to be a big boy. I want to play in my back yard with a box and Benny again. (I say this as I drink coffee, which I assure you is a big boy drink). I long for the days when I can just lay in the back yard with no worries of tomorrow. I am now hitting the stage in my life where I have to find a job and work for about 30 - 35 years and be able to retire. Although, I am not really sure how my generation is suppose to retire, if all of the SS is gone to my parents. That sucks.

I will be gradating in the next 8 months and I will be forced to find a job, so that I can pay off my loans and get a handle on what it means to be an adult. The only problem is, that I am not ready yet. I feel like my parents are still holding the reigns in my life in some areas. Most of my friends are getting or have gotten married in the past year. Oh Boy!!! I don't feel like I will get married till I am 30 or so.

This is a lot of things to think about while in your senior year of University and I don't think that it is all that helpful or healthy. I do have a lot of people pouring into me with advice and counsel... and prayer, can't forget that one. My pastor back home: Ashley has become my new Dan Allen and assists me in any area I ask of him; multiple pastors in Fargo: Pastor Brad helps me with preparation for Small Group and leadership; Pastor Matthew St John helps me with future preparations and seminary; Pastor Jeff Walton helps with ideas on how to make counseling a reality and Gary Vaughn helps me by locating the right people or counsel. See, I am surrounded by a plethora of guys that help me and there are more that pray for me and check in at random points to make sure I am on task and doing alright.

I do have to say in the last year and a half, my dependence on people has gone down, which at times is great, because then they do not become idols in my life, but at other times, I am lonely and I don't seek God, so I am completely miserable. I know this sounds back, but it is somewhat comforting to me. As the years go on, I will depend less on people and more on God, so my life will slowly begin to look the way should have all the way.

I feel slowly as this blog was being written, my heart started to change and I began to see that I am maturing, but sometimes I can't see my own growth. I may have felt like I am still a child an hour ago and fell into the standard of the world, but now I am starting to feel like God has put a greater call on my life and I just need to embrace it and learn to deal with that feeling of complacency.

Although, no matter what, I think that I will always be an ADD person and hate doing homework. I just do.

I hope that my random rambling made you happy or sad, as long as you are feeling something.

Love and Respect,


So I have had some time to take a break from blogging and a vision for the future. I desire to continue my experience that I have taken up in University. I have started to love to talk to people and try and assist them in their troubles. I desire in some small way to become a Biblical counselor. I have had mixed feelings from this. "Can I do it?", "Is this just a whim or is this what I am suppose to do?". My sister assures me that I will not be able to listen to people that long and help them. I have also been told that if i want to do that, I will also have to do another job in a church, because most churches can not afford to pay someone to just be a counselor.

This along with the coming of my new pastor to my church back in Williston, North Dakota, has sparked my desire to go into ministry. Did I see this coming? Not really, but in some way, I always knew that I would. Especially after I started to not care about any other job that I have had.

Sorry, let me get back to my new pastor and what I think about him. His name is Pastor Ashley Olinger. I would personally describe him as a mix of John Piper, Dan Allen and my Grandpa Stan. But if I would try and describe him to someone who doesn't know who those people are, I would have to say that he is a knowledgeable and wise man. He demands respect, all at the same time staying completely humble. It only took me hearing him speak once to see that he is going to destroy the communities in Western North Dakota. And by that, I mean that he is going to take everyone by surprise. I see some of the things he is doing, done at college and in the campus ministries, but the people over in Williston have never seen this stuff and they will never see it coming.

I really wish that I could have been a real Christian long before now and he would have been my pastor before this time. I would have loved to be discipled by him in high school and gone to the same school in Canada as him, so that I could have gotten the same training as him, so that I would be as effective as him. But you know what, I can not live in the past, and all I can really do is live for the future.

As great as Ashley is, he would be nothing without his wife Lisa. She is the ying to his yang the peanut butter to his jelly. She is as strong as an ox mentally-wise. If something needs to get done, Lisa can do it. She is organized and can get you out of a tough pinch. (I think that is a term... sorry if it isn't). I am excited to see them work in the future. I think once I hang out with her more in the future I can lock down a more descriptive paragraph.

They have two sons too. Maybe in a future blog I will type on them. Aaron and Adam are awesome for their own reasons. They inspire me, Aaron for his responsibility and Adam for his likability and knowledge/wisdom at a young age.

Love and Respect,