So I strive toward a goal I will never get to, and I do things that I don't want to do. I am a new creature in Christ Jesus, yet I still struggle and feel like I am my old self. This does not make sense to me. I am happy with life, giving up all of my old selfish self and choosing to be someone new. I don't know if it is a choice though. I am striving to embrace my new found self, and have even had people comment on how I have changed. I don't know if that is good to tell me, don't get me wrong, I would love to drop the persona of a "weird, social whore", but it is hard, when even my best friends encourage it. I am really trying to become this humble, Christian guy, who everyone knows is a Christian and if they have questions they can ask, but I don't want to wait for people to ask, that is far too passive and God has not called us to be passive. I will bring up the conversations, because after all, I am a social person, plus people have not been bread to naturally talk to other people about what they believe in, because the US it too worried about offending people, because its too uncomfortable. So I guess I am trying to say that since I have been acting like I have been in the past and not embracing the Lord, I have been finding hardship, because I am not the person I want to be. Even though God is good, and His love doesn't change. I can not count on my friends to carry my walk with the Lord, because they have a different walk than me, and I then them. This took me a long time. I love people, but most of the time, I love them too much. They are my "heart idol". Really when it comes down to it, I struggle with only a couple things: People Pleasing, Lust, Selfishness in general and idolatry. I am a sinful man, no better than any one person, I have just embraced someone as my savior, because if He is who He is, I am in for a good time. I think that is partially why I am so messed up, because sometimes, it is just hard to see that goal. The goal of being with Jesus forever.
I am out, because in all of this, there is a lot of nonsense and random thoughts. I hope that they serve you well and give you some new prospectives.
Much Love & Respect,